Let Them Cook

Imagine that you’re doing something. A task, a project, whatever. It’s somewhat complex, but utterly within your competency range. In other words, you’ve got this. It’s easily a one-person task; in fact, additional people would probably make the task take longer, because the additional coordination would take more time than an extra person would save by contributing to this particular kind of task.

Now imagine that while you’re competently attending to this task, someone else interjects. They have good intentions and are trying to help, but because of the aforementioned circumstances, they are completely hindering you. They’re making the project take more time, they’re annoying you, and they’re doing all this despite the fact that they’re competent. They could have done the task alone, just as you can – they just aren’t self-aware enough to back off.

You’ve probably experienced this, in one form or another. It’s annoying as heck, isn’t it? Frustrating and unpleasant! Your task is taking longer, you feel untrusted, and in order to set a proper boundary it feels like you have to dismiss the other person’s skill set. You have to say “You’re hurting more than you’re helping,” even though that’s only true because of the nature of the task, not the other individual. It’s a big pain in the butt.

Okay, now I have some bad news for you. Sometimes – not always, but sometimes – you’re the second person.

“Not me,” you cry. “Never! I’m always helpful, surely I’m never an extra cook spoiling the broth.” Yeah, you. Of course you’re helpful, but we just went over how that isn’t the problem.

Here’s a situation that’s really hard for people: You see someone doing something. You know in your heart that trying to help will only hinder, but you also don’t want to seem unhelpful – or even worse, lazy. So even though you know you’re actively hindering the other person, you “help” anyway. Maybe the boss is watching. Maybe you just can’t overcome the social awkwardness.

It’s a mark of great confidence, intelligence, and respect to be able to just let someone cook. Very often, it’s exactly the best move. If nothing else, pay them a compliment – and then do your own thing.