I never get tired of watching my kids on stage.

My oldest is a major thespian, but all of my kids have tendencies toward the stage. It’s an eternal joy. It’s not just the performances themselves, of course. It’s watching children unafraid of the world.

Because that’s what performance is – it’s defiance of fear. It’s play, broadcast against a world that wants less of it. The world will often try to tell you to stay in your corner. But you belong in the center, wild and free.

Imagine two cultural groups, the Oranges and the Purples. These two groups have a long history of opposition to one another and have many values in conflict. This opposition doesn’t always become direct violence, but violent conflict has definitely happened.

Now, imagine Sam. Sam is extremely pro-Orange and anti-Purple. Sam may or may not actually be an Orange; that’s not important. What is important is that they think the Orange position on everything is correct and the Purple position is incorrect. In Sam’s view, the Oranges are oppressed, noble, and justified while the Purples are terrible people to the last. Sam acts on this view often, by protesting Purple-owned businesses or picketing against Purple community events. If they find out someone they know is a Purple-supporter (or even, gasp, a Purple), Sam makes a big deal out of it, shouting at that person, trying to get them kicked out of groups that Sam belongs to, etc.

Now we have Chris. Chris also shares the same opinion as Sam on the Orange/Purple divide. They see Orange as good and Purple as bad, same as Sam. And like Sam, Chris acts on this view frequently, but in a very different way. Chris largely ignores the Purple-supporters, but seeks out Oranges and Orange-supporters and contributes to their well-being in various ways. Chris donates to Orange causes, helps Oranges in the local community, and patrons Orange-run businesses whenever possible.

Two people with the same views. But one is definitely the better person.

Chris isn’t just better than Sam because Chris chooses to help while Sam chooses to harm. That is better, but there’s a much more important reason that Chris’s course of action is the better one: Sometimes you’re wrong.

Look, we ALL carry biases, and many of them are totally subconscious. We all make snap judgements and use tribal reasoning. Obviously you should try to tamp that down, but you’ll never be totally successful. So you should act in a way where being wrong doesn’t automatically mean you’ve done wrong.

Imagine that the reality of the Orange/Purple divide is much more nuanced and complex. Imagine that the reality is that most Oranges and most Purples are very good people who have failed to resolve an understandable dispute with no clear right or wrong. Imagine that the stakes of their conflict are much lower than Sam & Chris think; neither side wants to exterminate the other, they’re just debating what color the public signs in their town should be or something. In that reality, both Sam & Chris had incorrectly calibrated views, but Sam hurt people over them. Chris just bought people lunch or helped in some other way.

In other words, the penalty for Chris being wrong is “bought a pizza from the wrong place.” The penalty for Sam being wrong is “protested an innocent local pizza place until it shut down.”

If you think one group deserves help and another deserves harm, focus on the former. Ensure that even if you’re biased, the results are still positive.

I think an underrated way to improve your life is just to make sure the various things you do anyway are aligned in a harmonious way.

I know that sounds “woo-y,” but here’s what I mean. There was a study done a long time ago evaluating parole hearings. Criminals who had served a long sentence, but were eligible for early parole. Thousands of such cases were catalogued and evaluated to look for patterns in whether or not they were approved or denied (a monumentally important decision). The most important factor turned out not to be severity of the crime, length of sentence served, good/bad behavior, etc. It also wasn’t race or anything like that.

It was whether the judge had eaten lunch yet.

Turns out the cases heard right before lunch, when the judge was hungriest, had a far higher rejection rate than the ones heard right after lunch, when the judge was sated.

So what I’m saying is, scheduling the important things in our lives to be in harmony with our natural patterns of eating, sleeping, etc., can have a major impact on how smoothly everything goes for us.

Have a snack, take a nap.

There is, I think, a negative to a world where content of all kinds is readily available and easily searchable. The easier it is to find exactly what you want to read or watch at all times, the more the tendency grows to simply engage with the same thing over and over.

Just as with people, it’s good to read books that aren’t exactly catered to how and what you already think. It’s good to expand your horizons. That’s why I’m generally so supportive of the “gamification” of reading. If it helps you read more books if you score points for doing so, then I’m all for it!

My eldest daughter did just that. She – of her own accord – joined the “Battle of the Books;” essentially a trivia competition where questions are asked about a specific but large list of books. The goal is to be prepared to answer any question that might come, so you read as many of the books as you can.

Oh, did I mention my daughter was Team Captain, and that her team won First Place at the competition?

See, reading to expand your mind expands your confidence, too!

Happy New Month!

The theme of this month is simple: purging. I’m getting rid of stuff. I have some things I’d like to add to my life in the rest of this year, and that requires making some room. So the cuts are a-comin’!

May your month contain all it needs to, and nothing else!

Tonight, my two youngest children engaged in a conversation about what they think happens to you after you die. More accurately, it was about what they hope happens after you die. All of their hopes and wishes were centered around being able to still see and spend time with their family, whether reliving the best moments with them, still being able to observe and even help the living ones, or being reunited with the ones who have gone before.

I also don’t know what happens after we die. But what’s happening right now, while we’re still alive, is a greater blessing than I could ever have imagined.

Whatever normal humans have in their brains that connects to drugs to give them a euphoric feeling of absolute bliss isn’t formed correctly in mine. Drugs or alcohol don’t do that to me. What does do that to me is music. Specific kinds of music more than others.

Like seeing Kansas play live, for instance.

Anyway, last night was a heck of a bender. The very best kind!

Find your own euphoria, and find it in a way that doesn’t harm you or others. It’s good to have joy while we’re here. After all, all we are is dust in the wind.

It costs nothing to be polite, but it’s not impolite to point out when someone is harming you and ask them to stop. They may take offense, but taking offense doesn’t mean it was given. Sometimes you simply have to walk away.

Yesterday I got to read “Green Eggs & Ham” to a group of preschoolers that contained my adorable niece. They were enraptured; what a wonderful audience! Chiming in with me on key words, laughing at my silly voices, talking about their own experiences trying new foods. Wonderful children!

My father used to read that book, doing impersonations of John Wayne and James Cagney for the voices. I can’t do those; I was doing an impression of him doing those voices, as best as I could.

My father love the joy of children, and I’m happy to say he gave me that blessing as well.

Some actions are good precisely because they make us do things we don’t want to do.

“Don’t go to bed mad” is good advice because it forces you to talk about your feelings instead of ignoring them and letting problems fester. You don’t want to do that. You want to hold a grudge. But it’s better if you don’t, so we make little rituals. Breaking bread with your enemies. Smiling in the mirror.

Hatred, bitterness, even just grumpiness – they feel good. The things that caused them don’t, but the feelings themselves are alluring. But the truly good feelings are better, so we make our rituals.