Sometimes we give because we want someone else to have, and sometimes we give because we want to not have, and sometimes we give because we want to get.
Wanting someone else to have something is also a value judgment. Maybe they don’t want it! Maybe what is a pleasure for you is, for them, a burden.
Sometimes we feel guilty about getting rid of something – or we feel shamed, like we were wrong to get it. Then we alleviate that shame on someone else’s back; it’s not a waste if this other person ends up enjoying it! Sometimes that means we’ve just given someone else our problem.
Reciprocity is real, and I don’t necessarily think it’s bad. But if you’re giving a gift simply because you’re imagining it’s a token for an obligation from them in the future, you have not only missed the point but you’re going to be sorely disappointed more often than not.
The point is, giving can be complicated. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it, of course. It just means it isn’t a perfect gesture that always results in a good outcome. When we look at our actions that we know may cause some harm but are necessary, we consider them more carefully, execute them with more tact. When we’re doing something that we think by default is “all upside,” we’re often careless. “Why should I consider this person’s feelings or situation at all? I’m giving them a gift! They should be grateful and happy!”
Maybe. But if you actually want people to happy, you have to place that desire above your own satisfaction.
The Opportunity Machine 