All Feedback is True

In a very important way, all feedback is true. Most people don’t realize this, because most people don’t realize what feedback is.

Imagine you deliver a big presentation at work, and your manager gives you this feedback: “I think you should change everything about how you present in the future.”

Well, that’s true! They do think that. And that’s what feedback really is – it isn’t a universal truth about you. It’s an actionable truth about them.

Most feedback is subjective; it’s opinion. How fast my car goes is a measurable fact; whether it looks cool is a subjective opinion. But it might be the subjective opinion of someone that I’m trying to interact with – say, a person I’m trying to sell the car to. If their feedback is that the paint color looks lame, then that’s an actionable truth about them. It’s instructions for me, and helpful ones at that! That feedback tells me nothing about how I should feel about the color of the car, but does tell me what I should do in terms of interacting with that person. I now know that I either have to repaint the car or try to sell it to someone else. That’s incredibly helpful.

So if a peer tells you that you should change everything about how you present, that’s very helpful. It means you should decide how much this person liking your presentations is important to you and act accordingly. It doesn’t mean that they’re objectively correct about your presentation style.

In fact, let’s look at what “objectively correct” even could mean in that context. Presumably, the presentation had a goal. Maybe it was to get a client to sign off on a project. Maybe it was to give instructions to a new team. Hopefully it wasn’t just to waste air, so there was some goal in mind. Whether or not you hit that goal is the only meaningful objectivity you can bring to that sort of evaluation. Did the client sign? Did the team follow the instructions? Then your presentation was great, for what it’s worth.

But now you have to consider yourself. Do you get your rewards in the workplace based on whether or not the client signs, or whether or not this peer “likes” your presentations? If the peer in question is your direct boss, it might be the latter! In which case, your choices are change the presentation, or find a different boss. Those are both perfectly viable options, but it’s good to know exactly what you’re evaluating.

That’s what feedback really is – it’s someone telling you the price of interacting with them positively. It’s not objective truths about you, because that person doesn’t have any deeper insight into “objective truth” than you do. Their advice might be good! You might decide to take it on its own merits, and that’s great if it happens. But don’t ever forget what’s really going on.

Feedback is someone setting the terms of the relationship between you. You then always have a choice: Agree to those terms, or change the relationship. You always have the choice. Make it with a clear mind.