As a leader, you have to conduct yourself in a way that sets the expectations of what acceptable behavior looks like. More than telling people how to behave, you have to show them by how you behave.
I’m thinking specifically as a parent, but this applies in just about every circumstance where you’re influencing the behavior of others. It’s not just about the example you set, either. Yes, you need to “walk the walk,” so to speak. But you also need to teach behaviors that go beyond that.
You need to be a gently padded brick wall. What I often see leaders acting like instead is a spiky sponge.
What is a spiky sponge? It’s someone who barks but yields. They may yell, threaten, or even strike physically. But they’re also inconsistent, threats are often idle, and they’ll yield if they get frustrated. They try to lead through intimidation but often their main motivation is to make their own life easier.
Instead, you need to be a gently padded brick wall. You need to be kind in your demeanor, forgiving of errors, and welcoming to questions. But you must also be firm, consistent, and patient. People can bounce off you all day without hurting themselves, but they won’t move you. They know they won’t be hurt by you, but they also know that your values won’t be compromised.
Being the latter takes patience and confidence, both of which come from reflection. Be sure of your methods by researching, practicing, and being willing to adapt. Test your values and your ideas so that you are confident they’ll support the gently padded brick wall you’re building on their foundation.
The Opportunity Machine 