“Always Right”

Very recently, I had someone tell me that I’m someone who “always thinks I’m right.” I take this seriously!

It’s a hard accusation to argue with, of course. You’re kind of in a box as soon as someone levies that one at you. But that should give anyone pause – I mean, if you’re the kind of person who would argue against that accusation even in the face of the utter ridiculousness of doing so, then maybe the claim has a lot of merit!

But even more broadly, I seriously consider any aspersions on my character. Suppose I take it as a given that I’d prefer people generally to not have opinions of me like that. In that case, I have to grapple with the fact that one of two things is true: Either the opinion itself is warranted, or I’ve done something to make them think the opinion is justified, and either is cause to examine my behavior.

So, what sorts of things might make someone view me this way? This is someone who interacts with me pretty regularly, though usually only in a few contexts. So their opinion isn’t based, presumably, on one interaction. I tend to think of myself as someone who regularly re-examines his beliefs, updates his priors, considers sound arguments, and generally tries to stay humble about the state of his own knowledge. I certainly write about those things frequently here! Humorously enough, in the same week as I received the comment that inspired this post, a different person equally close to me paid me a compliment directly to that effect. So I’m somehow showing different aspects of myself to these people!

It could be in the way I talk about different topics. There are certain topics or areas of expertise where I’ve done considerably more research, reflection, and experimentation than others. In those areas, I may be more prone to state my views more strongly. Of course I’m more likely to think I’m right in areas where I have substantial knowledge, but I’d also like to convey that I’m open to new information even in those areas.

Some of it may be that I tend not to voice any opinions at all in cases where I’m not very certain. Since you can’t directly observe when I hold my tongue, it can make it seem like I “think I’m right about everything,” when in fact I just only speak up when I do think I’m right. Then again, this is a good area to reflect on – you should have more reason to speak than just thinking you’re right! If what you’re about to say isn’t helpful, entertaining, or rapport-building, then being “correct” hardly gets you closer to a happy life.

Another aspect to consider: The person who told me that I think I’m always right is also someone whose intelligence and emotional maturity I respect, so I don’t tend to walk on eggshells with them. Frequently I’ll hold my tongue with people simply because I see almost no reason to argue with virtually anyone. If someone has shown me a great deal of character in this regard, however, I can be more likely to simply voice opinions to them – they become someone who I consider part of the great crucible in which I test my own thoughts. In order to test thoughts and views, they need to be presented strongly – if their weakest, most hedged version can be countered, that doesn’t necessarily refute the underlying idea. But if I present the strongest case for a view or opinion to a smart and reasonable person and they can counter it, then that tells me the view is likely flawed.

A final thought – it may be that I simply don’t voice it enough when I do change my opinion. People convince me of new stuff all the time! Sometimes I write about it here, sometimes I simply incorporate this new information into my actions, sometimes I talk about it to others. But not enough, perhaps, do I tell the source directly: “You caused me to examine this belief and I’ve changed my view on it. Thank you!” (The person who paid me the opposite compliment is someone I have said that to, so that’s evidence for that!) So if nothing else, that’s a strong course of action for me to consider moving forward.

I wonder what I’ll be wrong about tomorrow?