We all experience stress. It’s natural and nothing to be ashamed of. But stress has a funny way of hijacking your actions when it has no business doing so.
When we’re stressed, we react more than we act. And those reactions very rarely serve to make us less stressed; often, they worsen the problem. A common example is “letting the stress do the talking” when we’re in a professional environment.
Take some time now to recall times when you were stressed. What were your emotional and physical signs? How could you tell you were stressed? Perhaps your heart rate increases or you get a headache. Maybe you get snappy and defensive. Whatever happens, write it down. Make a little warning note for yourself.
Next, keep that note handy. Pin it to your wall or save it on your desktop. When you feel those signs, let that be a reminder that you should create some emotional distance. That means just step back a little, maybe for no more than thirty seconds. Just enough time to remind yourself that you are not your stress, and you want to take positive steps. (Personally, I write a little haiku about the current situation – always centers me.)
Now, in that space, ask yourself: “What is the outcome I desire?” Be clear about it. The outcome is very rarely “I want everyone to know how frustrated I am.” So your goal isn’t to express stress, it’s to diminish it.
(By the way, if you need to vent – awesome! Go vent! But venting happens in a different space. Vent to a friend, a loved one, your journal. Not to the source of your stress!)
Now, as you begin to act, stay deliberate. For each action, each sentence you want to say or write in an email, ask yourself: “Does this bring me closer to my goal? Or is it just the stress talking?”
Saying to one of your employees, “I can’t believe your work was this bad! I shouldn’t have to even explain this,” feels good in the moment, because that’s the stress substituting its own feelings for yours. But if your goal is a productive long-term employee and corrected work, did those words get you closer to that goal? Absolutely not. In fact, those words are very likely to lead to more stressful situations for you in the near future!
Identify your stress. Build your warning signs and take emotional distance. Put the stress in its proper place, and act as your true self. Silence the stress, and it won’t propagate.
The Opportunity Machine 