Anything that’s normal for you, you tend not to notice. You don’t notice the feel of your socks on your feet or your own blinking because they’re so ordinary that your brain edits them out to keep you from being overwhelmed.

The inverse corollary is that if you notice something, it’s because it’s unusual. A disruption of your pattern.

If bad things were happening to you constantly (literally constantly), you’d stop noticing them. We look back on people who lived hundreds of years ago and we can’t even fathom how they weren’t miserable, but whatever conditions they lived under were simply their “normal.” In two hundred years, people will be amazed that we lived like we do today!

What’s the upshot of all this? If something bad happens to you, a positive reframe is that you only notice it because it’s so unusual that anything bad should happen to you at all! Your life is pretty great; you just rarely notice because “pretty great” is your normal.

So notice the normal! When something unfortunate befalls you, appreciate how nice it is that such misfortune is the exception. You probably paid attention to your blinking when you read the beginning of this post, but until just now you’d already forgotten about it again. The misfortune will pass just as quickly, but you can choose to appreciate the blessings whenever you like – or whenever you get a little reminder.

Some local construction workers had just poured new cement near my kids’ school. Perhaps in an oversight, they didn’t mark the area, and I fell victim to this clever trap. Extracting myself from ankle-deep cement, I cleaned off my boots and picked up one of my kids. On my drive to get a different kid from a different location, my hat blew off my head out my sunroof and I had to pull around and find it on the road.

I love stuff like this!

Minor misfortunes are just that – minor. My boots are clean, my hat is recovered, and a fresh sense of gratitude that these are the worst things to happen to me today has washed over me. Sometimes it takes a little stumble to shake that into you; too many identical days, even pleasant ones, can start to dim the sense of wonder.

May you laugh in the face of all misfortune, minor or not!

The best time for conflict resolution is before there’s a conflict.

Reach out to people in times of peace and tell them how you’ll handle difficult times. Ask them how they’d like to be communicated with when there are problems. Establish all the steps of conflict resolution when things are as good as they can be.

We thrive on shared experiences. There is a connection that can go so much deeper than communication can ever create, and it comes from experiencing something that affects you on a deeply emotional level with others. When the emotion is negative, they call it “trauma bonding” and it can still create some of the deepest and truest friendships despite the dark origins. This is also why such strong but unlikely friendships can be forged in youth; the emotional experiences are simply stronger.

Go see live music. Go see live music that you love, and go see it with people.

Everything you say tells the listener(s) multiple things about you. With a simple sentence, you reveal not only the content of your words, but a host of other information.

Consider the sentence: “I have an extra pen if you need one.” Okay, the literal meaning is that you have an extra pen. But you’re revealing that you think the other person might need one – so you think they’ll have cause to use a pen, and you think there’s some possibility they aren’t prepared for that. You’re saying that you consider your relationship such that you’d give them a pen if they needed it, too. You’re also stating that you’re an extra-prepared person in general, and probably a helpful one, too. Of course, maybe you’re communicating that you’re specifically more fastidious than the other person? And hey, you’re also communicating that you think it’s okay to speak to them!

I could go on. But all this is to say – there are about a million ways even a simple sentence like that could be misconstrued. One lesson here is “choose your words carefully,” but let’s be honest – what more could be done with that initial sentence that wouldn’t be absurd? Even if you tried a version like “I don’t mean to imply that I think you’re specifically unprepared, and I also don’t want to seem like I’m trying to one-up you or anything, but I think that in the near future you’re going to have cause to use a writing implement and just in case I’m right and also in case you don’t have one on you for perfectly understandable reasons, I’d be happy to share the extra that I have with you,” then you’re just communicating that you’re neurotic and you think the other person is so utterly sensitive that they’d be offended if you offered anything less. There’s no escaping this trap.

So instead, take this lesson: Give grace, and interpret charitably. Assume good intent. Life will be better.

Today I saw a sign that started “Hidden Potential is Moving Next Door…” and I was excited to find out how the metaphor ended. It turned out that “Hidden Potential” was the name of a store, and the sign was just telling me that they were literally moving next door.

But that could so easily have become an inspirational message! “Hidden Potential is Moving Next Door when Everyone Else Tells You to Go Upstairs.” Like, choose your own path, don’t just let the world dish out your fate to you.

So I didn’t. I didn’t even let that sign tell me what it said – I decided for myself! I unlocked some real hidden potential in that sign. And in myself.

Ha!

Don’t ask people to pay you back for meals. Don’t lend books; give them. Don’t count small debts.

Small debts cost more than you gain. Getting back $20 for a meal pales in comparison to the lost opportunity to strengthen a social bond. When you’re in trouble, it’s the bond you’ll need, not the twenty bucks.

How many moments of transcendent joy will you have? A vast number, but not infinite. They will change, and you will long for those long changed. But waste none on lament, for each moment of longing is a new moment slipping out of the sunlight. Chase the dying light, and let your movement lengthen the day.

Whenever things are good and you have something worth preserving, there will be ants at the picnic. There will be vultures who try to nip at the edges, crabs who try to use what you’ve built and climb over you, or frauds who attempt to imitate you.

The positive upshot – if you’re seeing any of that, it’s a sign of your success!

Sure, you need to make the effort to insulate yourself from such threats. But their existence alone is cause to be proud of yourself. You’re a target because you’ve done well.

You don’t have to “be ready” to launch a project. Getting ready can be the project. Too many people catch themselves in the trap of needing to have things in a certain state in order to undertake something meaningful. They have great project management skills, but they gatekeep their ideal project behind a wall of minor issues. “I want to work on my project car, but my tools are disorganized.”

Okay, so then that’s the project!

Start closer to home, closer to the present. Don’t make the ideal project impossible by getting frustrated at the little tidbits in between.