Rational Arguments

Rational arguments almost never work.

You hated reading that, I’m willing to bet. Most people do. In fact, most people have already tuned me out and the rest of this post won’t get past the angry barriers that went up as soon as you read that. Oh well! I’m writing it anyway.

Rational arguments – that is, attempting to sway someone to your position by providing and explaining evidence/details supporting that position – are one of the worst ways to convince someone of something. They’re a great way to teach, but teaching is rarely persuasive. To understand why, you have to understand the difference between teaching and arguing.

When you teach, there are explicit assumptions shared by you and the learner. Namely: Both you and the learner already agree that you’re correct, and the learner is starting with a relatively neutral or even slightly positive position relative to yours. They want to learn from you because they think you know the answer. That’s a good mental framework to start with when it comes to teaching, and it allows for a rational explanation of facts to reinforce the learner’s understanding of your position.

When you argue, that simply isn’t the case. You’re assuming you’re correct, and so is the other person. They aren’t approaching you with a student mindset, relatively neutral on position and respecting you as an authority. They think you’re a moron. Or they think you’re a clever, manipulative liar. The point is, they’re not sitting there open-minded and eager to be taught.

Worst case scenario is that they’re wrong, but they didn’t reach their wrong position because they’re perfectly rational but misinformed. They reached it because they’re highly motivated to believe it. And the best case scenario is that you’re wrong. Of course, you didn’t even consider that, which is why their rational arguments don’t work on you, either.

Assuming that you’re pretty confident that you’re position is the correct one, the way to win someone to your side isn’t trying to explain why they’re wrong. It’s to become their friend. And how do we become friends? Not by arguing! We become friends by listening, caring, and respecting.

So the next time you meet a morally corrupt idiot with the dumbest, most evil opinion you can imagine, remember that you have two rational choices. You can walk away, because that’s a perfectly valid approach. Or, if it’s important to you to at least try to win them over, you can do your best to befriend them.

Everything else is just scoring points with the people who already agree with you.