Hostile Why

Try to take all the hostility out of the word “why.”

When you imagine being asked the question, “Why are you doing that like that?” are you imagining a curious, open-minded person? Or is your first instinct to view that question as an obvious criticism?

Most people mean it as an obvious criticism. Most people aren’t asking, “Why are you going that way?” because they want to know more about your thought process. They’re “asking” because they disagree, using curious language to cover very critical tone – and intent.

Step 1: Don’t ever do this yourself. Don’t ask “why” if you aren’t genuinely curious and open to the answer. That question has incredible potential, but if we waste it on sneaking in the start of a disagreement, we’re wasting it.

Step 2: When someone asks you like that? Pretend they didn’t! Respond with a smile and a genuine explanation, as if you’d been asked by a curious child instead of a critical adult. Disarm the hostility by letting it dissipate harmlessly instead of encountering any resistance.

We should treat “why” with more respect!