Cool Story

It’s a fact of life that some of the things about you that are true sound like they’re not.

Certain kinds of stories become oft-exaggerated (or fully invented) by different kinds of people to the point where that kind of story loses credibility. Even if YOU have never exaggerated that kind of story, you suffer from the sins of your demographic.

You can’t necessarily solve this, but you can absolutely be aware of it and plan around it. Young men make up “tough guy” stories. Middle-aged women make up “customer service worker was rude to me” stories. Old folks make up “things were better in the past” stories. None of this is news.

But sometimes those stories are true. And more importantly for you, sometimes your version of that story is not only true, but a necessary component of getting some particular action to take place.

Here’s an example: Let’s say you’re a middle-aged woman and a customer service worker really was exceptionally aggressive to you and even ruined something of yours to the point where a complaint to the management is necessary in order to recoup your lost money. If you’re self-aware, the first thing you need to do is be aware of the fact that on the surface, your story lacks credibility.

It doesn’t matter that this is the first time you’ve ever “complained to the manager” in your life. What matters is that the stereotype exists, and before you have any opportunity to be an individual you are that stereotype, at least in the eyes of the people you need to complain to. So don’t have it in your head that you will be automatically believed at face value and that it’s an insulting absurdity if you aren’t.

The next thing you need to do is buck the stereotype in as many other ways as you can. In this case, that means being very kind and even-tempered when you speak with the manager. It means not throwing around insults and sticking to observable facts. It means asking for assistance rather than demanding reparations. This might be hard to do! But remember, your goal is getting what you want, and that goal is furthered by understanding what it takes to have your story be believed.

Be self-aware about the uphill battle. Buck the stereotypes of your story as much as you can. And be humble and kind when you tell it. If you want the best chance of being believed, this is the way.