The very best cultures are the ones that say, “Go explore other cultures.”

If you feel like you have to defend your culture with gatekeeping (in either direction), ostracizing the outgroup, condemning heretics, or any other sort of purity controls, then your culture probably isn’t very good.

The best cultures want cultural exchange. They’re strong enough to take the best and leave the worst, to grow through that exchange, and to welcome new members all the time. Whether you’re a world-wide religion or a fan club for a TV show at your high school, you should always be willing to encourage your members – including yourself! – to go out and experience the vast other. And you should invite the other into your space to experience yours.

That’s the best gift of all.

It is a blessing to give. To do favors, to be generous. It’s worth aspiring to. That doesn’t mean you have to when you can’t – but it does mean that you should work until you can. Our lives are so short, and what blessings we can spread around make them worth while.

An underrated skill is knowing how much fun you’ll have doing something.

Some people think they’ll have a lot of fun doing something, and then have very little. Or perhaps the opposite! As a result of either, they don’t have as much fun as they should.

Embrace the things that will bring you joy – seek them out, engage readily. And be okay passing on the opposite.

Have more fun!

Tonight, my eldest was the first performance of the Winter Concert, and played The Carol of The Bells on the piano, solo. She was, of course, marvelous.

I have never once made her practice. I’ve never stood over her sternly, forcing her to the keys. Like all of her mighty works, she did it because she wanted to. She is creative, hard-working, and whip smart – but she’s also free. Independent. Distinct.

How much prouder could a father be?

I’ve been thinking a lot about energy management lately. As the new year approaches, I was reflecting on the fact that most people resolve to do more stuff in the new year – new diets, new jobs, new hobbies, new adventures. Those things are good! But far too little attention is paid, I think, to resolving to do less.

Our lives accumulate clutter – obligations, tasks, maintenance. We live little room for important things if we don’t clear that out regularly.

Even day to day, doing less can be a boon. I’m often victim to “momentum impulse,” the idea that once I’ve accomplished a few things, I should maintain that pace and keep riding the inspiration. But getting several things done and then saying, “That’s a solid day!” reserves some of that energy for tomorrow. Instead of waking up exhausted from yesterday’s frenzy, a steady pace is better – and leaves more room for joy.

Sometimes you have to release a thing you truly care about. That’s what you were doing the whole time – getting it ready to fly. All things move; stillness is the quiet of the grave. You can’t always follow, and you can’t always fly. But if the joy flies ahead, you’ve done your job, and done it well.

The most important skill to learn if you want to be hyper-competent is patience.

Think about this: the best drivers (say, the top 20% in terms of efficiency of movement, control of the vehicle, situational awareness, etc.) get stuck behind bad drivers far more frequently than the worst 20% of drivers do. It’s simple math: if you’re a very competent driver, you’re moving around more efficiently and you’re seeing more road overall. If you’re average, then sometimes you’re stuck behind a bad driver and other times you’re the bad driver someone else is stuck behind, and it all washes out. But if you’re very good, then most other drivers are by definition worse, and you’ll end up stuck behind someone who is hindering your movement far more often.

Hence, if you want to be very good at anything, patience is an essential skill.

Lots of technically competent drivers end up dead because they didn’t have the patience to avoid a road rage incident or let their tempers cloud their judgment. In any sphere, lacking patience can easily eat up any advantage you have from skill. Plus, you’ll be miserable all the time, since you’ll almost always be interacting with people worse than you at the thing in question! If you can’t be patient with those people, you’re setting yourself up for an awful time.

If you can’t keep a cool head behind someone doing 30 miles under the speed limit in the left lane with their blinker on, then you can’t do anything tough.

This is a cup. It can hold this many tears. When it’s full, you have to get moving.

Sometimes we can’t cope. And yet, we have to. The world leaves us no other choice. I think, on net, that’s a good thing. We can do amazing things when we have to, so it’s good that we have to. Because when we don’t have to, wallowing is addictive. Being coddled is addictive. It’s so easy to forget who we are, the amazing people we can be.

Fill your cup of tears when you need to, as you must, on occasion. But when it’s full, you have to get moving.

Tonight was the local Christmas parade in my small town. It’s a fun, joyous affair – decorated fire trucks, swarms of kids running around, music playing, and a big Christmas tree lit up on the lawn of the elementary school. Like many such local celebrations, there were people in costumes – Santa, reindeer, the Grinch, even Jack Skellington. Oh, and there was Dominick the Donkey!

Did you not know that last one? Then I can probably guess what culture you’re not from.

Because if you’re an Italian-American and/or you’re from the NJ/NY area, you definitely know who that is. But if you’re not either, then there’s a good chance you don’t. It’s a funny little cultural quirk, one I love dearly (probably because of how much my father did).

But I love funny little cultural quirks in general! I love the big things too – language, faith, dress, food – but I really love the little tidbits. The weird little rituals that aren’t even big enough to think of as “your culture” until you meet someone who doesn’t know them. Those are the real personality of a place, of a people. The rough edges and third dimensions. I hope we never forget them.

Hee haw!

There is a difference between being behind and falling behind. Being behind can just be circumstantial, a spike in duties that temporarily overwhelmed you. But if the delta between what you need to do and what you’re accomplishing each day/week is getting bigger, you have a problem.

Sometimes the answer is to work harder. More often, the answer is to do less. Check your obligations and see which ones it’s time to release. You can’t do everything, after all – and you can’t do anything if you fall too far behind.