There are problems everywhere. No job, house, school, community, relationship, or anything else will be perfect. Perfection shouldn’t be the goal nor the standard.

But not all problems are equal! Here’s an extremely basic example: let’s say your preferred temperature is 70 degrees. You have two apartments you can pick from to live in: one is 65 degrees naturally, and the other is 75 degrees naturally.

Neither is 70, so neither is “perfect” for you on that metric. But even though they’re both off by the same amount, one of those is probably better for you! Being too hot makes me more uncomfortable than being too cold, so I’d choose the 65-degree place (plus, I own more clothing that lets me deal with cold than the reverse, not to mention that it’s generally cheaper to warm a place up than cool it down). But some people find being too cold much more uncomfortable and would choose the other apartment.

So it’s not always about finding something “perfect,” but you can make a lot of improvements by finding a better-fitting imperfection. Everything has trade-offs, and every person is unique. That means you can find the job, community, relationships, or whatever else that gets the things you care about most right. The rest, you just laugh away.

Today is my father’s birthday.

I spent the morning visiting him, in many ways. I went to his grave, adorned it with new trinkets with my mother and sister. He would have laughed, and so we laughed – it was as he wanted. The rest of the morning I spent on old pictures, videos, messages. The hundreds if not thousands of little signs and wonders he left behind for us. I listened to his music.

I laughed as often as I cried. I can only miss him because of how wonderful his presence was. You can’t miss something you didn’t love. I remember that when I’m sad; sadness is a small price to pay for joy.

There is always light coming. For all I miss him, he added so much more, and still does,

Happy birthday, old man. I love you.

I picked up the large stick while the lot of us wandered through the wooded park on our hike. She asked me why, and I said, “pokin’ stuff.”

You can’t ever be bored without being utterly wilful about it. There’s just so much to do. There’s all of outside! There’s stuff to poke! Go see if it’s real. What kind of bird is that? Is there anything in that hole? Look, turtles!

How can you be bored without being boring? You must be so uninteresting to be uninterested. There are mysteries in every corner, and they’ll make you healthier as you look at them.

My kin and I wandered around for hours today, pokin’ stuff. We made new friends, we found cool stuff, we got sunlight and good air into us. We looked at the moon.

Such joy in our backyards.

Life is far too short to do everything. The most important things will always be being with the people you love, and having fun. In that order.

Sometimes being with the people you love will mean doing something not fun. You will carry burdens sometimes. You will hold a hand during pain. Or maybe you’ll even do something they think is fun, just for them. Because you love them.

May you be so lucky.

Try to take all the hostility out of the word “why.”

When you imagine being asked the question, “Why are you doing that like that?” are you imagining a curious, open-minded person? Or is your first instinct to view that question as an obvious criticism?

Most people mean it as an obvious criticism. Most people aren’t asking, “Why are you going that way?” because they want to know more about your thought process. They’re “asking” because they disagree, using curious language to cover very critical tone – and intent.

Step 1: Don’t ever do this yourself. Don’t ask “why” if you aren’t genuinely curious and open to the answer. That question has incredible potential, but if we waste it on sneaking in the start of a disagreement, we’re wasting it.

Step 2: When someone asks you like that? Pretend they didn’t! Respond with a smile and a genuine explanation, as if you’d been asked by a curious child instead of a critical adult. Disarm the hostility by letting it dissipate harmlessly instead of encountering any resistance.

We should treat “why” with more respect!

It’s not my favorite method, but sometimes to get through a particularly rough stretch of days, it helps to think about when the next good day will be. Something you’re looking forward to, even if it’s just the end of a period of misery. When does that movie come out? When is the next taco day in the cafeteria?

The next good day is never far away.

Sometimes after you’ve wronged someone, they kindly leave the door open for you to make amends. They tell you what they would expect, and then all will be forgiven.

If you’re not going to do it, so be it. I don’t know the situation. But I do know this: Don’t do half of it and then expect the full measure of forgiveness.

If you borrow someone’s car and get into an accident with it, you messed up. The friend might be justifiably upset. But they tell you that if you repair the damage, you’ll be willing to lend them things again in the future. If you just fill the gas tank up, don’t expect forgiveness – and don’t whine when you don’t get it.

Do everything they ask, plus a little bit more. Show that mistakes don’t define you – your honor does.

I recently spoke with someone who was having trouble at their workplace. She’s what the kids today call a bit “neurospicy.” A combination of some neurodivergence, along with some mundane eccentricities, makes it difficult for her to connect with most people and creates challenges in certain interactions. At one point, she commented: “It’s so difficult for me at work because I’m… like this!”

And then it hit me: No, that’s not it. It’s difficult for her because other people aren’t.

See, there’s nothing inherently wrong with her. She’s smart and funny and kind. She’s just smart and funny and kind in a way that’s a few feet to one side of the people she’s around all day. My suggestion to her was that it wasn’t her job that was difficult (objectively, she’s great at it), it’s just that she’s doing it with the wrong people.

Because she’s smart, this set her on a whole flurry of investigation, looking for organizations that do what she does, but catering to groups and demographics more aligned to her own identity. Sure enough, there were many! And now she’s in the (much friendlier) process of chatting with them to look for her next role.

If you’re a little different from the people around you, remember that those people aren’t all people. It’s one flock, and you find a different one of your feather.

A bad habit many people have is asking for help they don’t want.

We’ve all seen a social media post from someone starting off with “Am I wrong?” Then they detail a scenario in which they are obviously wrong, asking for someone to calmly tell them what the right path is. 99% of people will say, “Do the other thing, and apologize for the thing you did.” Maybe one other person will say, “You were right!”

And what happens? The original author gloms onto that one person, thanking them profusely for showing them that they were right all along, despite “all the haters.” They never wanted help – they wanted validation.

People do it in real life, too. Usually, if someone starts off a question with “now be honest…” the last thing they want is honesty. They’ll often argue if even the tiniest bit of the response deviates from what they’d hoped for.

Obviously, you shouldn’t do this. There’s not much more advice than that – be honest about what you want, and if you find yourself needing to ask for echo-chamber validation in order to be honest, take that as the sign that maybe you’re the one who needs to readjust. But what do you do if someone else asks you something this way (and you can’t just ignore it, as you can online)?

Try redirecting a little – positively. “Before I answer, can I ask you something? It sounds like you’re feeling a little nervous about asking me this question. Can I ask you why?” We don’t have to feed every bear that comes to our door. Sometimes the more productive conversation is the one underneath.