Fairly Magnanimous

There is pretty much no definition of “fairness” that’s universal enough to be useful, even in the smallest circumstances. Consider: there is one slice of cake left and two people who want cake. You might think “It’s fair to cut the piece in half and each take half,” right? But what if one person is hungrier – or the other person already had cake today? What if one person is bigger? What if one person likes cake more? What if the cake is vanilla-chocolate swirl and there’s no way to cut it in half that preserves the same ratio of vanilla and chocolate on each half, but both people prefer chocolate? What if one person is about to go on a three-week trip to the Arctic and the other is going back to their job at the bakery that afternoon?

You might have your thoughts on each of those scenarios, but the higher the stakes, the more of those opinions there are – and the more strongly they’re held. So you’re simply never going to be treated “fairly” no matter what the situation.

Keep that in mind during every exchange where your instincts are to look for a fair or equitable exchange and condition yourself instead to be magnanimous.

Offer the entire slice of cake to the entire person. Genuinely, in your heart, with no malice or desire to be rewarded. I promise you, that will make your life infinitely better than any half-a-slice of cake ever could. Your soul will be enriched, your relationships stronger, and you will be happier.

If someone is taking advantage of you, the correct thing to do is remove that person from your life, not try to build a barrier against their greed out of “fairness.” It won’t work, you’ll be exhausted trying, and all you’ll do is teach that person that they can still take advantage of you as long as you’re a good negotiator.

When the stakes are small (like say, half a piece of cake) you’re always better off just giving away your portion in exchange for a happy life. When the stakes are large, you’ll be surrounded by people you can trust, because you remembered who argued over the proper way to cut a slice of cake and who didn’t.

Now go – give a little extra today, and know joy.