Navigate Nicely

Some problems aren’t the kind you can solve yourself – they’re the kind created by, and therefore only solvable through bureaucracy.

These are the worst kinds of problems. But there are some secrets to solving them efficiently.

First, the most important skill you can master is how to identify people who cannot help you at all. This is most of them. 100% of the time, the first person you talk to will not be able to help you, even if they wanted to, which they do not. What you must do is quickly identify these people and then be incredibly nice to them. You have to hide your contempt for their position and remember that ultimately they are people who aren’t out to get you, specifically. They’re just part of a horrible system.

Remember though, while they absolutely cannot help you, they certainly can hinder you. And they will definitely do everything they can to do so if you’re not nice. Powerless people trapped in a soulless system often take any opportunity they can to become petty tyrants, so don’t give them a reason. Be an absolute sweetheart, every second. Your goal is just to get past them as quickly as possible, and being nice is the best way to do that. Believe me, you may feel the urge to let your frustration out, but that’s just pouring concrete around your own feet. You can’t bully these people. You can’t “customer is always right” them. Consequences be damned, it’s just too satisfying for people in their position to squash a miserable complainer, so don’t be one.

Be nice. As nice as you’ve ever been. And quickly move inward until you meet someone who actually has the combination of authority and/or intelligence to help you.

And then be nice to them, too! It’s good to be nice to everyone, but I’m telling you this because in this situation you will not want to be nice. You’re only here because you’re frustrated and irritated and you’ve wasted your afternoon trying to solve this stupid problem that wouldn’t even BE a problem except for these very people. It’s natural to want to scowl.

Do not scowl.

Be as kind as you’ve ever been in your life. You have absolutely no way to destroy this bureaucracy. You can’t “teach these people a lesson.” You can’t even make them care, even for a second. Their system won’t let them care, even if they’re the kind of people who naturally would. So don’t try to win any moral victories through self-righteous posturing.

Just be nice, nice, nice until you get what you want.

Then get out, and try to make it a long time before you have to do it again.