Not My Boss

I heard someone say recently that someone “wasn’t their boss,” and therefore they didn’t actually need to listen to them. It reminded me of when kids get told to do something by an adult and they respond with something like, “you’re not my dad.” And I thought: What would be the difference if it was your boss? Or your dad?

Here’s the truth: You don’t have to listen to them, either.

Obeying anyone is a bargain; an exchange you make willingly. There are benefits for obedience and/or consequences for disobedience and you’re weighing all of those against your desire to do something other than what you’re told. Very often, the best course of action will be to go along – especially in the case of your father (assuming he’s a good one!) or your boss (assuming you like the job!). But that won’t always be true, and you should remember that it’s always an exchange, even when the authority figure in question would much rather you simply kowtow reflexively.

Authority is built on this sleight of hand. You “have to” obey. When the authority in question has really dire consequences to mete out or really impressive rewards to withhold, they’ll be quick to say so, but not to bargain – to reinforce the idea that you “have to” obey. Because in general, authority doesn’t want you in the habit of questioning the deal. Sometimes the deal won’t be in the authority’s favor.