I love telling other people’s stories.

Every story shared with me becomes a part of my story, and vice versa. When I tell those stories, I’m sharing learned wisdom with a larger group, helping to increase an entire community’s wisdom. I’m an amplifier – if a colleague or a client uses an innovative idea to overcome a challenge, now that idea can propagate to many more people. I love being able to respond to a request for advice with a success story from someone else who’s faced the challenge.

Sometimes I even build new connections this way. I’ll share a story with someone, and they’ll find great value in it, and ask follow-up questions – questions I might not have answers for, since I didn’t live the experience. So I’ll make an introduction instead, putting the two people together, and now the great network effects are multiplied even further.

When you hear a good story, it’s a gift. It’s not meant to be hoarded!

I have a particularly bad habit that I’ve tried to work on. I know it’s bad, but it doesn’t manifest very often – part of why it’s hard to break. I see other people do it and disapprove like a hypocrite, but I’m working on it.

I shield people from bad things.

It’s in my nature, and I think a lot of people do this for the same reason – we don’t want people we love to be hurt. So we hide things from them, or carry the burden ourselves. But you can’t. People are strong, and a burden carried by two is lighter than one carried by one. When there’s a crisis, share it. Give them the opportunity to love you as you love them.

Shells are very helpful. They provide a safe place to grow if you’re an egg. They’re handy armor against predators if you’re a turtle. And they can give you a place to think if you’re a human.

“Coming out of your shell” is seen as an automatic goal if you’re a person, but we don’t lend enough credit to learning the ability to go in and out of them as you need. Yes, you should come out sometimes – a turtle would be safer if it never came out, and also it would be dead. But you sometimes need a certain calm safety that the world will not always provide for you, and it’s handy to learn how to generate it yourself.

Don’t think of your own shell like the egg’s – something only to protect you until you’re ready to abandon it forever. Grow one like the turtle’s. Give yourself space when you need it, poke your head out into the sun when you’re ready. But keep it with you when you need it again.

If someone frequently messes up a particular task, it can be frustrating for everyone. If they mess it up not as badly one day, that’s a huge accomplishment! The steps toward true mastery don’t just go from failure to minor success to major success. There are usually a dozen or more incrementally less worse failures along the way. And we should praise that!

If you, especially as a teacher or guide, express the same disapproval toward the not-as-bad failure, you’re discouraging the very process that will lead someone out of that swamp. Losing a game by three points is way better than losing a game by ten points, even if you still lost. Not everything has to be indexed against a win. Just making less of a mess is wonderful.

Being present is an act of defiance. So is making a friendship bracelet when you’re scared. This is not the end of the story, not the end of your story. It’s the middle, and the middle is where the ending is written. Be present in the middle. Make friends, and friendship bracelets. Let people make friends with you. There is a long way to go before the end, yet.

There is such a thing as overexplaining. But the likelihood that you’re doing that, instead of not nearly explaining enough, is very slim.

Learning comes not just from knowing facts, but understanding the connections between them. You already have the connections – you know the context. So it’s easy for you to see how the facts fit together. But for other people, they’re seeing those jigsaw puzzle pieces for the first time. You need to provide not just knowledge, but the coordinates for that knowledge. You need to map the facts.

If you’re not bored by your own explanation, then you probably aren’t explaining enough for someone learning what you know for the first time.

One of the advantages of working in a field where I help a lot of people deal with a lot of problems is that sometimes, their challenges mirror my own.

Handling your own challenges is thorny. You’re close to the point of myopia. Your emotions cloud judgment. It can be difficult to work through the details of a plan in this context.

But others? I can be dispassionate and objective, energized and strategic. I can ask questions without assumptions. And then when I’m looking at the finished product, I realize…

…dang, that might just work for me, too.

It’s critical to get your feedback from a variety of sources. The longer you solicit your reviews from the same panel, the more danger you have of simply adapting to that one specific audience.

A small sample size is a bad idea for any data collection. There’s no guarantee that the feedback you’re getting from a tiny group is valuable! You may have stumbled upon a niche faction that loves (or despises) everything you do, which means you’ll settle into a rut. You can’t improve without broadening your horizons.

Get out of the bubble, and expose your work to unusual feedback. Go as broad as you can, even if you’re searching for a target demo that’s much smaller. You can find it within the feedback you receive, but that initial feedback will be invaluable.

Sometimes you want something, and it’s available on the cheap. That’s a great deal, but you might be able to do better. If you manage it right, you can get people to pay you to take it.

When I worked in my first major sales office, all the sales managers had a rotating duty to field a certain number of interviews. Since that was, in the short-term, time spent away from the revenue-generating activities you’d be getting commission for, most sales managers didn’t want to do it. I happened to love doing interviews, and I saw the long-term potential of being the one with the most influence over how new hires got distributed. So I absolutely wanted to do more of them while everyone else wanted to do fewer.

It seemed like a win/win, so when someone asked me if I wanted to do an interview with them, I said, “No thanks.”

Why? Why turn it down if it was exactly what I wanted? Because I knew I could get more opportunity out of the deal. I knew the other managers really didn’t want to do those interviews. So when I said, “No thanks,” I didn’t say it vehemently. I considered it, waggled my head back and forth a bit, and pretended to roll it around a bit. In other words, I landed on ‘no,’ but deliberately gave the impression that I wasn’t too far from a ‘yes.’

So then the haggling began. I let them ‘convince’ me to take on the roster of interviews, but only in exchange for the ‘draft picks’ of new hires (essentially giving me total control over which new hires went onto my team, instead of having to pick in turn) as well as a few choice territory swaps. Within six months, I had the highest-performing team in the company. Which also made me the highest-paid sales manager.

Other people’s desire to be rid of something is a powerful force. If it’s something you want, don’t ever forget it.

The human ego is a powerful force. The best technique I’ve found for taming it is simply to hitch it to the right wagon.

Playing a team sport? Well, you can attach your ego to “individual performance,” and then suddenly you’re at odds with your very teammates. Overcoming the ego is hard. Much easier is attaching it to “winning the game.” Go ahead and feed your ego, then! Brag about how good your team is, how powerful your synergy makes you on the field. Become laser-focused on that, and let your ego thrive.

Attach the concept of “winning” to the right things, and your ego can be a driver, not a detriment.