Rational arguments almost never work.

You hated reading that, I’m willing to bet. Most people do. In fact, most people have already tuned me out and the rest of this post won’t get past the angry barriers that went up as soon as you read that. Oh well! I’m writing it anyway.

Rational arguments – that is, attempting to sway someone to your position by providing and explaining evidence/details supporting that position – are one of the worst ways to convince someone of something. They’re a great way to teach, but teaching is rarely persuasive. To understand why, you have to understand the difference between teaching and arguing.

When you teach, there are explicit assumptions shared by you and the learner. Namely: Both you and the learner already agree that you’re correct, and the learner is starting with a relatively neutral or even slightly positive position relative to yours. They want to learn from you because they think you know the answer. That’s a good mental framework to start with when it comes to teaching, and it allows for a rational explanation of facts to reinforce the learner’s understanding of your position.

When you argue, that simply isn’t the case. You’re assuming you’re correct, and so is the other person. They aren’t approaching you with a student mindset, relatively neutral on position and respecting you as an authority. They think you’re a moron. Or they think you’re a clever, manipulative liar. The point is, they’re not sitting there open-minded and eager to be taught.

Worst case scenario is that they’re wrong, but they didn’t reach their wrong position because they’re perfectly rational but misinformed. They reached it because they’re highly motivated to believe it. And the best case scenario is that you’re wrong. Of course, you didn’t even consider that, which is why their rational arguments don’t work on you, either.

Assuming that you’re pretty confident that you’re position is the correct one, the way to win someone to your side isn’t trying to explain why they’re wrong. It’s to become their friend. And how do we become friends? Not by arguing! We become friends by listening, caring, and respecting.

So the next time you meet a morally corrupt idiot with the dumbest, most evil opinion you can imagine, remember that you have two rational choices. You can walk away, because that’s a perfectly valid approach. Or, if it’s important to you to at least try to win them over, you can do your best to befriend them.

Everything else is just scoring points with the people who already agree with you.

Sometimes you have to say “no” to someone you care about. You have to deny a child an expensive purchase they want. You have to turn down an employee who wants a promotion. Whatever it is, these scenarios are unavoidable sometimes.

Your job in this position is not to make the person feel bad for asking. Don’t shoot them down, punish them for asking, or make them feel like they don’t deserve the thing they asked for just because you can’t provide it right now. Your job is to make them feel excited about any outcome, to reinforce that you value not only who they are now, but the journey they want to be on.

You need them to feel like you also want them to get what they want, or you’re doing damage to their journey and relationship with them, which is the last thing you want. Your job isn’t to deliver disappointment. It’s to journey with them toward what they want!

Ah, the beginning of the worst season of the year: Heat Season.

You can always wear a jacket when it’s cold, but it’s hard to do anything to be cooler when it’s brutal outside. Except, you know, stay inside.

I love the outdoors, but someday I’m moving to the mountains in the north.

The best way to have a joyous experience as a team isn’t to split things 50/50 (or however the split works with whatever size team you have). It’s for everyone to give their all on the things they rock at. Don’t split the driving.

Some of the best advice I’ve ever heard: If you can bring someone you care about a lot of joy for little effort, you’d be silly not to.

Don’t think of fairness or reciprocity. Just take the amazing deals when you can. You will live a much happier life as a result.

As soon as someone shows a desire for power, you need to know that there is no such thing as “enough.” Power over other humans is the most addictive and corrupting drug ever made. Total abstinence is the only safe guardian, and even then the desire burns in almost every heart.

My wonderful family is currently baking me cookies, a belated Father’s Day treat that a few members were too sick to engage with on Sunday. I puttered around the kitchen despite being of little help and taking up too much space because I wanted to show my gratitude and delight at the proceedings.

My eldest daughter shoo’d me out of the room and told me I’d be summoned when it was time to try the treats.

That alone is a treat more sweet than the cookies will surely be. My heart is filled with love and admiration. I am a lucky guy.

Ask questions to learn. If your questions annoy people, find better people.

People will often warn you: “Don’t poke the bear.” It means don’t draw attention to yourself when you think the act of drawing attention will turn that attention negative. If the bear wakes on its own, it may take longer, but the bear won’t be angry. If you poke it and wake it up, it will likely be grouchy.

When it comes to actual bears, that’s probably good advice. But it’s a poor excuse to be timid in many other situations. A potential customer who’s stopped responding isn’t a bear. A boss who hasn’t gotten back to you about your raise request isn’t a bear.

People are afraid that the negative response they might get is a “no” to whatever request they initially made. But guess what? No response at all is also a “no!”

You have nothing to lose, everything to gain, and in many cases, much more leverage than you imagine. Poke the damned bear.

They don’t make ’em like Bill Roccia anymore. I’m not sure they ever did. He was an abnormality, a mutant and a miracle. He was certainly glued together wrong in a lot of ways – most of his personality was just too big to fit in the normal places that life carves out for people. It didn’t matter; such was his might that he made rooms bigger just by walking into them. He didn’t just fill a room himself; he made room for you, too, and you were thrilled to be there.

And oh the joy he took in his children! The way he told stories, both to us and about us. The way our triumphs were his triumphs and our troubles his burdens to share. The way he pushed us to be better but believed we were the best in the world. Everything he was as a man, he was ten times as much as a father.

I couldn’t fill his shoes if I was a hundred times bigger. But there are few on this Earth that got to study at the feet of a master like that, and so I do have something of an advantage. Any time my father and I would do any sort of competitive game, from shooting pool to throwing axes in his garage, he’d soundly beat me nine times out of ten. And he’d always smile that charming smile and say, “Well, there’s no shame in being beaten by the best.”

So if I’m never truly the best father ever? If all those drawings my kids make me that say “#1 Dad” are off by one? I’ll take it in stride. I’m giving it my all, and being a better father for the effort. And there’s no shame in being beaten by the best.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad. I miss you.