It’s okay to not have 100% to give some days. You’re sick, you’re injured, you’re worn out. Don’t spend your last 2% on anything besides survival and recovery. There needs to be a few cells left to regenerate from, after all.

Why, when we get injured or sick, do we apologize? For many, myself included, it seems so automatic – of course I should apologize for catching the flu!

It’s absurd. But it also makes sense; we’re suddenly using more of our “tribe’s” resources. We don’t want to be a burden, and we certainly don’t want the tribe to cast us out for being too much of one. So we soften the blow with apologetics and gratitude, hoping they’ll have mercy on us.

That’s not how it really works, of course. Those who care about you will take care of you, and those who don’t, won’t. So don’t feel guilty – feel grateful. And pass it on when you can.

The ability to leave a situation you’re not making better is a very good skill to cultivate.

We often don’t. We double-down, we waste time, we throw good money after bad. We stick out a bad conversation or a bad relationship. We relentlessly keep arguing with our bosses or we stay at a party we aren’t enjoying. Modern humans are terrible at just leaving.

But many times, that’s the best thing for everyone. It’s not abandonment if you were making the situation worse, and sometimes we need to just recognize that. And it’s always better to save your energy for what matters.

My middle daughter read an article about axolotls today called “Animal Superheroes.’ It was about their various cool abilities, especially their regenerative powers. The article suggested a good name for an axolotl superhero would be “Dr. Grow.” Apparently axolotls can even regrow their hearts!

And hey, if they can do it – why can’t you?

Today I had a heart-to-heart, man-to-man talk with one of my son’s friends. He’s a good kid; he’s a staple at my dinner table and backyard, and nary a day passes where he isn’t attached at the hip to my kids. But there had been a brief physical altercation between him and my son (this happened at another friend’s house in the neighborhood, whose mom contacted me to let me know). I spoke with my son about it to get the details, which involved the other child having a small outburst and laying hands aggressively on my son.

My son is quick to forgive and a good friend, so he accepted the apology offered immediately and thought no more of it. But I wanted to address the issue more directly, so I told this other young man that he’d have to have a chat with me before he was allowed back at the dinner table. He willingly obliged (see, I told you he was a good kid) and we talked.

We spoke about right and wrong, a little in how it relates to when it’s acceptable to use physical force (yes if you’re defending yourself or others, no if you’re angry at someone), but much more we talked about honesty. About how important it is to talk about your mistakes and to both give and expect trust to your circle. I told him that he’s in my circle, and that he’d always get honesty from me, and I expected it back from him. He shook my hand like a man and promised to do his best.

Then he told me: “I really miss my dad.”

Me too, kid. But you wouldn’t be the first stray to find a surrogate in the Roccia clan, and you won’t be the last.

We all ate dinner together, talking about our respective days, sharing stories and laughing.

He’s a good kid. He’ll be okay.

Very few things truly frighten me. It’s not that I’m invincible, it’s just that the world generally has two kinds of problems: Ones I can fix, and ones that can’t be fixed. The former I approach calmly, and the latter I do my best to accept with grace.

When my best friend got sick and it became clear he wasn’t going to get better, it broke my heart. But it didn’t frighten me. I knew I would be sad, devastated, along with all his other loved ones. But those are problems that can’t be fixed. You simply have to face them, holding whoever’s hand you can.

But there are a few things that put knots in my stomach and ice in my veins. One of them is the work I’ve put into my family being taken away by some outside force. I’ll still face those threats, but the looming idea of them chills me.

Wish me luck.

There are many activities that I enjoy solo. I love a good brain-challenging puzzle, I love reading or really diving deep into a new album, and I love wilderness backpacking.

There are also plenty of activities that I enjoy with a group. Going to movies or concerts, playing board games or RPGs, exploring a flea market or new restaurant.

My main difficulty is that I’m very bad at doing any of the “group” activities by myself, even though most of them are perfectly doable on my own. I know several friends who will go to the movies or to a concert by themselves, and it blows me away. I think it’s awesome, but I can’t seem to do it.

For me, the social connection is the point of those activities. I don’t just want to watch a movie, I want to discuss a movie with someone else who watched and was into it. That’s a big part of the joy for me, so leaving that behind feels like half an activity.

But it’s good for me to focus a bit on it, because being able to enjoy all of life by yourself is important. People are wonderful, but you need to be comfortable with the only company you’ll always have.

Apparently back in the 18th century, people would pour some of their coffee into the saucer that came with the coffee cup and then drink it out of there. Coffee was boiling hot, and you poured it into the saucer to cool it, which was considered more polite than the sort of slurping we modern folks do to mix it with air and cool it that way.

Anyway, sometimes I have hot thoughts. Positively boiling, in fact. I’ve learned it’s a very good idea to cool them. I make it a point to not talk about anything that’s upsetting me until the next day. Half the time, I’m not even upset the next day, which means I’ve cut down a lot on talking while frustrated. And when the temperature has dropped, if I’m still upset then I’m also more articulate. I’ve had time to think about what’s upsetting me and why, and I’m able to communicate that clearly and calmly.

“Sleep on it” has always been good advice. But having a plan and a method helps me to remember that. I’m not just waiting to get madder, later. I’m cooling off.

I love when people share their excitement with me. If someone tells me about a thing they care about and are jazzed up over, that’s them telling me that they want me in their world. It’s an expression of love and friendship, and I’m all about it.

Now, if someone is excited to tell you about something you’re jazzed up over? That person is giving a very strong signal that they care about you. A lot. They’re carving out part of their own world to hold your stuff in it, just to be connected. That’s as pure of a symbol of connection as any you’ll likely see.

When it happens, embrace it. Those people are rare.

Everyone useful to you is also trouble in some way. That’s part of the deal! Relish it, just keep the ratios right. If your landscaper occasionally chats your ear off for an extra ten minutes, that’s an easy deal to be happy with. If he sometimes robs your car, that’s not.

Your best guard dog might sometimes throw up on the floor. Your star employee might occasionally have a strong-willed conflict with one of your peers. Living beings aren’t robots. So don’t get frustrated – just be aware of the deals.