Everything you say tells the listener(s) multiple things about you. With a simple sentence, you reveal not only the content of your words, but a host of other information.

Consider the sentence: “I have an extra pen if you need one.” Okay, the literal meaning is that you have an extra pen. But you’re revealing that you think the other person might need one – so you think they’ll have cause to use a pen, and you think there’s some possibility they aren’t prepared for that. You’re saying that you consider your relationship such that you’d give them a pen if they needed it, too. You’re also stating that you’re an extra-prepared person in general, and probably a helpful one, too. Of course, maybe you’re communicating that you’re specifically more fastidious than the other person? And hey, you’re also communicating that you think it’s okay to speak to them!

I could go on. But all this is to say – there are about a million ways even a simple sentence like that could be misconstrued. One lesson here is “choose your words carefully,” but let’s be honest – what more could be done with that initial sentence that wouldn’t be absurd? Even if you tried a version like “I don’t mean to imply that I think you’re specifically unprepared, and I also don’t want to seem like I’m trying to one-up you or anything, but I think that in the near future you’re going to have cause to use a writing implement and just in case I’m right and also in case you don’t have one on you for perfectly understandable reasons, I’d be happy to share the extra that I have with you,” then you’re just communicating that you’re neurotic and you think the other person is so utterly sensitive that they’d be offended if you offered anything less. There’s no escaping this trap.

So instead, take this lesson: Give grace, and interpret charitably. Assume good intent. Life will be better.

Today I saw a sign that started “Hidden Potential is Moving Next Door…” and I was excited to find out how the metaphor ended. It turned out that “Hidden Potential” was the name of a store, and the sign was just telling me that they were literally moving next door.

But that could so easily have become an inspirational message! “Hidden Potential is Moving Next Door when Everyone Else Tells You to Go Upstairs.” Like, choose your own path, don’t just let the world dish out your fate to you.

So I didn’t. I didn’t even let that sign tell me what it said – I decided for myself! I unlocked some real hidden potential in that sign. And in myself.

Ha!

Don’t ask people to pay you back for meals. Don’t lend books; give them. Don’t count small debts.

Small debts cost more than you gain. Getting back $20 for a meal pales in comparison to the lost opportunity to strengthen a social bond. When you’re in trouble, it’s the bond you’ll need, not the twenty bucks.

How many moments of transcendent joy will you have? A vast number, but not infinite. They will change, and you will long for those long changed. But waste none on lament, for each moment of longing is a new moment slipping out of the sunlight. Chase the dying light, and let your movement lengthen the day.

Whenever things are good and you have something worth preserving, there will be ants at the picnic. There will be vultures who try to nip at the edges, crabs who try to use what you’ve built and climb over you, or frauds who attempt to imitate you.

The positive upshot – if you’re seeing any of that, it’s a sign of your success!

Sure, you need to make the effort to insulate yourself from such threats. But their existence alone is cause to be proud of yourself. You’re a target because you’ve done well.

You don’t have to “be ready” to launch a project. Getting ready can be the project. Too many people catch themselves in the trap of needing to have things in a certain state in order to undertake something meaningful. They have great project management skills, but they gatekeep their ideal project behind a wall of minor issues. “I want to work on my project car, but my tools are disorganized.”

Okay, so then that’s the project!

Start closer to home, closer to the present. Don’t make the ideal project impossible by getting frustrated at the little tidbits in between.

The three vaccines of boredom are all healthy virtues in their own right: Contentment, Imagination, and Awareness.

One of my strongest but weirdest views is that boredom is a character flaw. I think that boring people are bored. The ability to simply exist without needing external stimuli is deeply underrated, and your life will absolutely be better if you cultivate it.

Choose to be content. Recognize that simply existing is marvelous, and that you’re never very far from the next exciting turn in your life’s journey anyway. Enjoy the space between moments, use it to enhance their flavor, instead of desperately trying to fill every gap with some meaningless trinket posing as a real experience. Be comfortable being alone with yourself.

Use your imagination. You have a vast machine for creation within your mind, and letting it atrophy from misuse is a terrible disservice to yourself. In the times without excitement bombarding your senses, explore your rich inner self. Conjure fascination, consider new ideas, or simply have a pleasant daydream.

Work on truly being aware of the world you’re in. Observe the small details, take in the richness of the tapestry all around you. How can you be bored when the sunlight plays among the blades of grass, or the wind moves each of the fine hairs on your arm differently? Microscopic miracles pervade, waiting to be relished.

The dependency upon crafted channels of entertainment and engagement is a curse best broken, and swiftly. Boredom is a rejection of the wonder of our world and your own soul, and I decry it.

Mix together rubble and a few other ingredients the right way, and you have concrete. All ruin is potential. Even if there’s nothing left of what you built before, there’s now the space where it used to be – and that’s a resource, too.

In your ongoing efforts to craft a life you love, sometimes you’ll need to advocate for yourself about not liking some aspect of it. When you dislike a food, it’s easy enough to not buy it. But what about elements of your work? Activities your friends or partner enjoy? Parts of your shared living space or community environment?

What those have in common is that you may dislike the thing, but you like the people you share it with (or at least, you want to continue enjoying the benefits, as might be the case with work). So how do you express that you dislike something in a way that preserves or even strengthens the social connection?

First, it’s important to make it clear that you aren’t expressing dislike of the people. If you want a different work assignment, don’t express it as being upset at your team leader for their choice. If you want to see a different movie than the ones your friends suggested, don’t insult their taste in cinema. Show appreciation for the invite in the first place, and demonstrate that you’re exited to participate!

Then, it’s important to start with the request, not the complaint. Don’t say, “Ugh, I hate horror movies, I think people who like them are damaged.” Most people would respond with “Then don’t come!” Instead, something like “Oh, thanks for inviting me, I’m excited! How do you all feel about that new action comedy that just came out? I love thrills but horror movies are a little much for me.” That’s much more likely to get a positive response! Likewise, a work assignment you’d prefer not to do is much more likely to get adjusted if you say, “I really appreciate you giving me goals to stretch out of my normal work duties! Could we discuss something that uses my public speaking skills instead of my writing? I think that would be an even bigger asset to the team,” instead of “I really hate these writing jobs, are you sure I have to do this?”

Make sure you’re detailed about the elements you didn’t – and, importantly, did – enjoy. If your friends insist on that horror movie, after you can say, “While all the blood and screams were a lot for me, I really thought the actress in the lead role was incredible. Has she done any non-horror movies? I’d love to see them!” This shows that you’re eager to engage with your circle and not simply being a curmudgeon. You’re being clear about your reasons, and you’re also giving people the opportunity to help you find more of what you like by giving them elements to enhance in the future. If people start saying, “Don’t invite her, she just hates every movie we suggest anyway,” then you’re not improving your life.

It’s also helpful for you to challenge yourself to think critically in this way, finding elements you like and clearly defining elements you don’t. That’s not only for your circle; it’s also a tool for you to navigate a world with myriad experiences! And since we all have to do a few things we dislike sometimes, why not get better at finding moments of joy within them?

Lastly, put in the effort. People are so much more likely to adjust to your likes if you’re the one making it easy. “I loved the actress that played the lead role, so I looked her up and found a few other movies she’s in that look really good. How about next week I have a movie night at my place and we watch one? Which of these three look best to you all?” That’s a great way to avoid being dragged to a movie you don’t like, don’t you think?

The world is heavily customizable; you just have to learn the coding language.

Too often we view every part of our past as failure. Failure on the way to something better, sure. And maybe we don’t put it into those words. But ask someone how they feel about going back to an old job, calling an ex, or moving back in with their parents – and you’ll see how much we run from our own past.

Sometimes it’s warranted! Things happen in their own time, and “the past” remains the correct place for many such things. But as you’re changing, so are those elements. And what didn’t fit together then may fit together now.

Even two matching jigsaw puzzle pieces won’t fit together if you rotate them the wrong way.

I’m not saying you should spend all your energy retreading old ground. Just that you shouldn’t run screaming, either. Sometimes the past loops around to you, and it’s okay to evaluate that as you would any new experience, rather than defaulting to aversion.