People will obey the rules you give them. But you don’t always give them the rules you mean to.
If you give someone a rule that states, “I always want to hear your opinion,” but then every time they voice it you shut them down and berate them, really you’ve given them the rule “I want you to lie to me and tell me that your opinion matches mine.” And they’ll obey that rule.
In other words, the rules are set by what you do, not what you say. And if you give too many contradictory rules, remember that people will always obey the rule: “If you can’t win, don’t play.”
The Opportunity Machine 