There’s a phrase I like: “We tend to judge others by their actions, but judge ourselves by our intentions.” I think it’s an accurate phrase and offers helpful insight when it comes to empathy. But I think people only take half the lesson from it that they should.
The lesson everyone takes is to be more sympathetic to others’ intentions. The person that cut you off in traffic wasn’t deliberately being a jerk, they were late and stressed and had a crying kid in the car. And that’s fine; more empathy to our fellow humans isn’t a bad thing.
But the other half of the lesson that I wish more people would take is that you need to judge yourself by your actions more frequently!
If you harm someone, you need to own that, even if your intention wasn’t to do harm. If you have a perfectly valid reason that your actions (or inactions) caused that harm, that is not an excuse. The “why” behind a harmful action is a helpful tool for you to examine, so you can avoid it in the future.
“I forgot your birthday because I have ADHD,” doesn’t mitigate the harm you caused to a loved one. The reason is valid and understandable, but it’s still on you to mitigate the impact of those things, or own the consequences.
The Opportunity Machine 