If you’re the kind of person who likes debate and discourse primarily as a way of discovering new information and getting closer to the truth on a particular topic, it can be really disheartening when the other party reveals that they weren’t doing that at all – they were either trying to convince you of their point of view regardless of validity, or they were trying to score points with whatever audience there is.
I don’t like that any more than you do, so here are my tips to spot that mentality early so you can gracefully exit the conversation before you waste much time:
- The other party tries to tell you that your point of view is based on some personality trait or personal aspect they find repugnant. If you state something you believe to be a fact, and their response isn’t to counter or question the fact, but to claim that you only said that because you hate a particular group of people, or because your economic position benefits from it, or whatever, that’s the perfect time to bow out. (Bonus: Since sometimes this is true, because motivated reasoning can come for us all, this works great as a self-filter as well. If the other person accuses you of this, you should bow out because of them if they’re wrong, and you should stop arguing anyway if they’re right. So either way, it’s a great signal that the conversation won’t be productive.)
- The other party changes the definition of terms relating to your debate. For example, if you say 2 + 2 is four, and they say it’s five, and then you prove that it’s four – watch out for them trying to use a different definition of “plus” than “putting the two things together into one group.” That’s a sure sign that they’re not after truth, and they’ll dodge any facts to stay in their own comfort zone.
- The other party rejects talking about their own points. If you ask for clarification on a point they’ve made and they can’t provide it, then they’re likely just parroting things and you’ve reached the limit of what you can learn from them. Thank them for what they’ve already said, and depart!
Seek truth, but beware – there are many distractions along the way.
The Opportunity Machine 