Bad things happen to everyone. And everyone has a different “key response.”
What I mean is: For any given person, there is a type of reaction to a bad event that will make that event instantly easier to deal with, mentally and emotionally. Most other reactions will make it worse. This applies equally to reactions from others as well as internal reactions from the person in question. The “key” is knowing what the right reaction is.
For instance, my personal “key reaction” is planning. If something bad happens in my life, I instantly feel better if I can establish a sense of control. This almost always comes from a quick run-through of how I can mitigate the damage and ensure that the bad event doesn’t repeat. Once I do that, I feel much better, and I can take care of whatever I need to with a clear head. If someone (perfectly well-meaningly!) instead tries to comfort me or offer words of validation, I get frustrated, annoyed, and immediately things start to get harder for me.
Many people have the exact opposite response, and that is okay! I know people who will panic and spiral if you offer any constructive advice in response to a bad event, but if you just say, “that sucks, I’ll give you a hug and get you a cookie,” they feel almost instantly better and begin to address the problem with a cool head mere minutes after.
There’s no wrong response, only responses you might not intuitively think of because they aren’t your own “key response.” But that’s the secret – every lock is opened by a different key. Figure out the ones for the people and relationships you care about, including yourself.
