I love helping people. It’s one of my favorite things – to have someone ask for my advice, for me to have actual advice that can help, and then for that person to find success as a result. Gives me the warm fuzzies all over.

The problem is that life is chaotic sometimes. There are occasions where someone will ask me something – for advice, a favor, etc. – and I really, really want to help, but am just swamped. I work a lot, I have three kids, and it just isn’t always possible.

My problem isn’t that I can’t say “no.” I have no problems setting boundaries and saying “I’m really sorry, but I’m just too swamped to get to this, but if it’s not urgent we can circle back in the future.” That’s not my problem – my problem is that I genuinely wish I could help more. It’s not just out of altruism; like I said, I get a big sense of satisfaction from it, so there’s personal benefit to me that I love to claim.

There’s good news, though! This blog has been really, really helpful in that regard.

Yesterday someone tagged me on Twitter and asked me for advice and insights on a topic that is 100% in my wheelhouse. But I was very busy, and even though I immediately thought of all the things I would say, I just didn’t have time. Then I realized – those things came to mind easily because I’d written them before, in a prior post on this blog. So I was able to send the link and send the advice, all in about 30 seconds.

That’s just one more benefit of making the time every day to put these thoughts down. It’s so worth it.

So I want to increase the likelihood that I can do more of it! This blog is mostly a “my thoughts, at random, as they come” sort of blog, but I also want to make it known that I’m very open to requests. If there are any topics you’d like me to blog about, let me know! I’ve always said that if you have a question, chances are very good that you’re not the only one, so anything you ask me that I answer publicly may help more than just you. It will definitely help me.

Even the most ambitious and decisive of us will have plenty of moments in our lives where we’re not sure what to do next. We want a change, and we’re not sure where to go. We’re in a rut and don’t know how to get out. It happens.

I don’t know all the answers to how to deal with that. But I know one thing that always helps: work.

Do something difficult and productive. Don’t worry about maximum efficiency or value; don’t worry if you’re working for free, giving away what you made or even making something of low importance. Just work. Fix a fence, volunteer at an animal shelter, pick up trash along a road, write a blog, anything.

Keep the momentum going. Keep your brain away from the quagmire of dwelling on not knowing what to do. Put energy in a positive direction.

The worst case scenario is a bunch of small improvements to your mood, attitude and maybe environment or health. You also might give yourself inspiration on what to do next, attract positive attention, or make friends – all good positive side effects. The worst thing that can come out of it is that you waste a few hours, but if you were feeling really indecisive I guarantee you were going to waste those hours anyway if you were to dwell on it.

There are certain things that are universally good in this spot. You can always grab a marginal benefit by working out, or cleaning something, or completing a project.

The wrong thing to do in that situation is leisure activities. I think leisure activities are good for the soul and you need them! If you want to watch a movie, play a video game, etc., you shouldn’t feel bad. But use those as rewards for jobs well done; as balance to the accomplishments you make. Don’t use them to fill in the gaps when you don’t know what to do, because that’s the path of sloth and inertia is a powerful force. Don’t let yourself say, “I’m feeling dissatisfied and I don’t know where to go, so I’m going to veg out in front of the TV/computer for a few hours.”

When you’re happy and things are good, take your leisure. But when in doubt, work.

But expertise is overrated.

When you want to learn something, you don’t have to seek out the most knowledgeable person in existence on that topic. You don’t need the foremost experts in the field. Heck, you don’t even need someone who’s more knowledgeable than you! You just need someone who knows something you don’t.

If I decided I wanted to learn to do magic tricks, I don’t need to learn from Penn & Teller or David Copperfield. I just need someone who knows a trick I don’t know.

This is wonderful news, because it means your pool of knowledge sources just expanded tremendously. You don’t need a guru or a thought leader. You just need someone who knows something you don’t – and that’s everyone.

Even if you’re far along in your journey on a particular topic, you can learn from a wide variety of people. You might know a hundred times as much about the Civil War as someone else, but they could still have some knowledge about the topic that you don’t.

Now you might be thinking, “Sure, I could learn from anyone. But people who aren’t experts might also have a lot of false knowledge, things they think are true but aren’t. If I learn from them, I might be learning the wrong stuff.”

Absolutely true. But I’m going to let you in on a secret – that’s also to your benefit.

Why? Because everyone might be wrong, and you shouldn’t trust anyone 100%. You should always think critically and have a framework for evaluating the information you receive against other sources, your own intellect, independent research, etc. But when we learn from “experts,” we often ignore that advice and trust blindly. But experts can be wrong for years about things (for example, see: all of history, pretty much – but the food pyramid comes to mind as a recent example), and even people with correct information have agendas and motivations. So you should be in the habit of critical inquiry anyway. If reducing your reliance on experts helps you remember to put on your thinking cap, then so much the better.

The flip side of this is also very encouraging – if you don’t have to learn from experts exclusively, then you don’t have to BE an expert to bring value to the table! It would be silly for me to claim that within my industry, I’m the best of the best and have no room for improvement; that I know absolutely everything. That’s preposterous. But I don’t have to – I just have to have knowledge that my clients don’t have, which is useful to them. And I definitely have that!

So if you’re feeling a little self-doubt the next time you have the opportunity to help someone – if you’re thinking “I have no business speaking on this topic, I’m no expert” – get that thought out of your head. You don’t have to be. You can share the knowledge you have and provide value in doing so – and pick up a little knowledge in return while you’re at it!

I think I’ve figured out what the hardest thing about improving yourself is.

It’s not the effort involved. It’s not the challenge of learning or doing something new, it’s not the risk of failure, and it’s not the time you spend on it. It’s not the self-doubt or anxiety about success. None of those are the biggest obstacles to starting a journey of self-improvement.

It’s admitting that we need to improve.

Whether it’s to yourself, to your inner circle, or to the world, we so often fall into a way of thinking that tells us that we have to already have it all figured out. “We should have all of our ducks in a row by now,” we tell ourselves, regardless of whether “now” in this context is age 25 or 60. Admitting we don’t have everything down perfectly yet is like admitting we’ve failed, as if somehow not being perfect represents a failure on our part.

We think this way, despite the fact that it’s obviously absurd. There’s no age where you get it all right. You never get it all right.

When you think about a journey, sometimes we fall into a trap where we don’t judge ourselves on the destination or even the journey itself, we judge ourselves based on the origin point!

We want to start a health journey, but we think “if I admit that I want to get healthier, that’s like admitting that I’m overweight and unhealthy now. I don’t want to do that.”

Think about every time you’ve ever seen someone do that, though. Hasn’t the result always been an outpouring of support and encouragement? People shouting “good for you!” and “you can do it!”

I don’t mean to downplay the emotional risk. It’s hard. But you absolutely can do it. If you’re ashamed of the starting line you’re on now, just remember – the very second you say “I need to improve,” you’ve taken a step off that starting line, and you’re no longer there. And every new step takes you farther away from it.

And you’ll already have done the hardest part.

Someone once asked me what my favorite word was. It was a great question, and I had to think about it for a while. Once I thought of my answer, though, I knew it was true without a doubt.

My favorite word is “Yes.”

It’s phenomenal. It’s positive, it’s affirmative. It can signal agreement or excitement. It’s a versatile word, polite in almost every circumstance, and unambiguous. Your life will improve if you say it more.

It’s a great goal, too. It’s the desired result of sales pitches, marriage proposals, and desperate late-night inquiries at restaurants.

Seek it, give it, live it. Say yes!

Tonight while taking out the garbage, I stepped in a gopher hole. Invisible to the naked eye, this thing took me out. I went down like a sack of potatoes. I hurt my hip, knee and ankle on my right side. Thankfully, it doesn’t seem serious, but it’s definitely very painful and I’m certainly not doing any jogging tonight.

Whenever something bad happens to me, I immediately try to look for corrective action I could take for next time. I have a whole process I go through:

Step 1: Look for all the ways the Bad Thing could have been my fault. What could I have done differently? What mistakes did I make that I could correct? What lesson can I take in order to improve myself? Example: I didn’t land a client that I was pitching. What could I have improved?

Step 2: If I feel entirely confident that the Bad Thing wasn’t due to or preventable by my own reasonable actions, I then run through a second checklist – was this the fault of anyone else specifically? And if so, does this person have a pattern of this behavior, to the point where my life would be better without that person? Example: An online acquaintance has said rude, untrue things about me on one platform or another. Assuming I haven’t done anything to invite this behavior, would I be better off without this acquaintance in my circle?

Step 3: If, after steps 1 and 2, I feel very confident that the Bad Thing is neither my fault, nor the direct fault of any other individual, and is instead the result of some combination of the general state of society and/or random happenstance, I make a face.* Example: Stepping in a freakin’ gopher hole.

Like most people, I prefer problems I can solve. I’m a fixer. When a Bad Thing happens, I can accept that and I rarely get mad, but my primary way to avoid an emotional response is to leap immediately into positive action, changing things about my behavior or life to steer away from future Bad Things and towards Good Things. Sometimes, though, you just get bit by life.

On those days, I’m happy to have a blog I can vent to.

*This face:

“I just don’t know what to do. I’m so broke; I never have enough money for everything, I’m always short at the end of the month and I definitely don’t save. I feel like my health is terrible, and I never wake up feeling good. And I can’t get a date to save my life. I’m at a total loss.”

…he said, lighting up a cigarette.

Sometimes, there are really big, easy changes you can make that will dramatically improve your situation. The low-hanging fruit.

This isn’t a post about smoking per se, by the way, but it’s one of the big ones. Smoking is 100% downside – it costs money and makes your life worse along literally every metric.

When it comes to your life, and how happy you are with it, I’m surprised at how often people are really, really unhappy despite not taking care of the essentials first. I see people trying to find fulfillment in hobbies and projects, but their core foundation is cracked.

Are all your bills paid, with enough left over to keep a savings of at least 6 months of living expenses as a buffer? No? Then guess what, don’t do anything else until you’ve got that handled. Work more hours, get another job, cut out other spending. Stop your hobbies, don’t go on dates. The reason you’re stressed and miserable is because you don’t have that core thing handled. It’s important. That’s low-hanging fruit – it’s a simple, obvious thing that will make your life tremendously better. Get your financial house in order. Everything else you want to do will be easier because of it, if you knuckle down and focus on that right now.

Are you as healthy as you want to be? Can you do all the physical activities you enjoy without getting winded or hurt, are you free of random pain, are you happy with how you look? No? Then get in shape, see a doctor and dentist, and change your diet. Stop drinking until that’s fixed; don’t treat yourself to luxuries like ice cream and pizza.

Not doing things that actively damage you (like smoking), working more, and eating better are surprisingly low-hanging fruit if you get out of the mindset that you need or deserve those things.

Note the BIG caveat here: All of this is advice to help you be happier with your life. If you’re broke, out of shape, and a chain-smoker but you’re genuinely happy, then more power to you. I don’t judge anyone’s lifestyle choices. But if you’re doing those things and you’re miserable – well, now I’m judging a little. Because those aren’t mysteries. There’s no secret. You’re not going to have a rich, fulfilling life with deep, healthy interpersonal relationships and spiritual meaning if your rent’s not paid and you have a heart attack.

Get the basics in order. Once you do, the rest will be so, so much easier.

Sincere and genuine appreciation goes a long, long way.

If you want a solid tip to make your life much better along nearly every metric, here it is: Say thank you. Say it often, mean it when you say it, and make sure you make the recipient of that statement feel genuinely appreciated.

It brightens any day, smooths over most disagreements, and makes people want to interact with you more. Be truly appreciative of everyone, whether they made you a coffee or built your house.

And by the way – thanks for reading this. I hope it made your day a little brighter.

Once upon a time…

I’m nowhere near an expert in the field of evolutionary psychology, so I don’t know exactly the mechanism or cause of this, but we remember things better if they’re packaged as stories. We remember fables better than facts. We retain the moral lessons better if we get them wrapped in a parable. Maybe it just makes it easier for us to connect the lesson to our lives at the right time, or maybe we’re just programmed to remember things that may have happened better than abstract facts.

Remember the movie “Slumdog Millionaire?” The protagonist gets every answer correct on the show “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire,” and over the course of the movie it’s revealed that he’s not particularly smart and isn’t educated, he just (by a series of crazy coincidences) has a personal story that has led to the exact pieces of knowledge he needed to win.

You can use this particular trait to your advantage. People remember stories. They relate to them, they absorb them. So if you want some particular piece of information to really work its way into someone else’s memory, make it a story.

If you’re in sales, don’t just list features and benefits. Tell a story about a customer that faced a problem, and how your product or service saved the day for them. Make it a parable; make it real. If you’re trying to polish up your resume, don’t just write abstract facts. Frame it as a series of events – things you did to overcome challenges. Make it a Hero’s Journey. If you’re leading a team and you need to teach them something, don’t just give a boring PowerPoint presentation and list the facts. Tell a story that uses that knowledge.

A client of mine was working with one of his own clients, who ran a fashion brand. She felt like her social media posts weren’t getting as much engagement as her competitors despite similar follower numbers. My client pointed out her problem: All her posts were just pictures of models in her clothes. They weren’t doing anything. They were facts, not stories. He advised her to create shots where the models were active – out at a party, drinking tea with a cat, anything that puts the clothes in a context the audience can relate to.

Maybe that’s the core of why stories are important. Context allows us to connect the abstract facts to our own lives, not just so we can apply them, but so we can decide if they’re applicable. Not every piece of information you learn will be relevant, and a story helps you decide if it is.

Learning to tell a good story makes you a better communicator. It’s a good skill, and worth paying attention to.

The End.